1. Both partners must be invested in counselling.
Who is the cheerleader in your relationship when it came to addressing our discontent?
The issues in their simplest form is that we all want to feel connected and heard, and stop reacting with anger, resentment, guilt or shame. What is important when engaging in counselling is whether or not both are commitment to working on the relationship. If in your relationship there is no effort and want your problems to go away without any effort, who are you kidding? It is important that both parties be invested in marriage counselling and are not simply going along to appease the other partner. Redland's Counselling Service will work with you both on your commitment level and at your level of willingness.
2. Get help early.
The agreement to be together relaxes the tension of trying to impress someone or to win them over, so your interactions with each other shift more into being yourselves. You have someone, you have committed to the relationship, your partner loves you, and you love them, and so you don't feel tension around this part of your life anymore.
But acceptance doesn't always equate to satisfaction. So don't be lazy and lapse into a belief that whatever is bothering you will go away because it won't. It may get shoved to one side, buried under the "To Do" of the day, or collapsed underneath another crisis, but it is still there, and the sooner there is an open conversation about it, the better.
Timing is everything when it comes to marriage counseling. Among the 40 to 50 percent of couples who divorce, the average first marriage 8 years. Many couples tend to wait too long before seeking help they see it as a last resort toward the end of there marriage. Research and experience are saying that marriages have the greatest chance for success when counselling occurs early in a relationship. Be honest with yourself about what is working and what is not in a relationship, and speak with your partner about seeking help sooner rather than later. Book an appointment with Matt at Redland's Counselling Service.
3. Make sure to choose a counselor who is qualified.
I have been working as a professional Counsellor for many years developing my practice in several non-government (NGO) organisations in Queensland. I am also currently working for the University of Queensland as a practitioner.
My specialty areas are family counselling,relationship counselling, marriage counselling, trauma, depression,anxiety, grief and mental health.
I am a registered member of the Australian Counselling Association. I have a Bachelor of Counselling and a Diploma of Counselling. I have extensive experience in couples counselling, anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and loss. I am currently undertaking post graduate study to further develop my expertise in these areas, in particular, focusing on relationship counselling.
I am respectful and non-judgmental. I will work with you in a warm,stress-free, safe space to create a therapeutic plan that best supports you and your needs.
4. Goals are critical, even in love.
Goal-setting is an important part of any endeavor, and couples counselling at Redland's Counselling Service is no different. Come into the Marriage Counselling Redland's with a goal of how long you're invested in doing this for the immediate and longer term. Decide whether there are things you can work on outside of the session that will help or whether you are dependent on having Matt guide you.
Much of what counseling helps you discover are tools for interacting with each other so that you can navigate the relationship more harmoniously. Obtaining the tools is the first step to changing a habit or behavior pattern; creating a goal around using the tool and establishing a new pattern is key to making sure the rest of the steps are taken. Agree upon a timeline for how you hope to implement changes and new patterns.
The parameters of relationship-building can be nebulous because of a variety of factors (day-to-day responsibilities, children if you have them, family crises), so having agreed-upon timelines and milestones for shifting away from what was not working, practicing with a new tool to change the behavior, and feeling successful with its implementation are all a means of providing a structure. Call Redland's Counselling Service for relationship Counselling on 1300 241 667.
5. Don't take on 10 years of grievances all at once.
In the counselling session we will break down the issues into manageable bits that are tangible. The problems didn't happen overnight, and it will take some time to unpack them. You don't want to overwhelm the opportunity to look at things.
Make a short list of things that are troubling, and include examples of what you mean with something that happened recently. For example: (1) I feel ignored when you ask me how I am and then walk away into another room. (2) I don't like it when we have to cancel plans with friends because a deadline at work came first. These two issues point to a common theme, actually: feeling invalidated. There may be an example that feels raw but happened three years ago, but this event is going to require more reflection and conversation to understand why it is still a sticking point for one person years later.
Contact Matt at Redland's Counselling Service via email firstname.lastname@example.org
6. You and your partner must both recognize your own and each other's limits.
You must be willing to concede that your partner might only be able to do so much or go so far, and it's important to speak openly about whether that is enough. You can and should concede that behaviors you have aggravate your partner and make an effort to minimize tension around these incidents; at the same time, everyone needs to feel safe in a relationship and not constantly be expected to change. It is important to assess the effort toward minimising points of tension against things that a person can't or won't change. Is this OK? Can it be tolerated? Where do you draw the line?
This is what we will work on in the counselling room.
7. Relationships are works in progress, always.
No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. Think of your relationship as a work of art that you are constantly reshaping based on who you are and who your partner is. Know that people shift and change, and all of us need support regardless of where we are or what is going on. Events happen and affect each person differently. But this impact doesn't have to translate to a point of no return. It is possible to sustain love when both of you are committed to being together.
Marriage is one of the biggest decisions that anyone makes in a lifetime. There will always be rough patches, but you can learn to attune to a more harmonious navigation with your partner. Once you recognize the relationship as a work in progress with care and love at the center, counseling does have the potential to provide a vast array of tools to interact healthfully for many years to come.
Relationship Counselling - 1300 241 667
Marriage Counselling - Redlandscounselling@gmail.com
If you have any questions feel free to check out my website for information.