Navigating Holiday Stress in Relationships: Practical Tips for Couples
Christmas time for my family is a big event. I have 4 sisters with several nieces and nephews, so there are always interesting times ahead. Navigating the revolving door of who is speaking to who creates stress and challenges for me and my wife at times. Below are strategies we use to overcome and connect so Christmas 2024 offers good memories of us working together whilst resulting in feeling closer to each other.
The holiday season, while festive, can also bring stress that challenges relationships. It’s not uncommon for couples to feel overwhelmed or disconnected during this time, especially when triggers from past experiences or heightened responsibilities come into play. The added tension can highlight underlying relationship difficulties.
Fortunately, with planning and teamwork, you can stress-proof your relationship and focus on enjoying the season together.
Accept Influence from Your Partner
One of the most effective ways to prevent conflicts from escalating is to embrace your partner’s influence. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that when couples listen to and validate each other’s perspectives, their relationship becomes more resilient, even during challenging times.
This is particularly important during the holidays, a time when stress can run high. Women, for example, are often more affected by holiday-related pressures like time constraints, financial concerns, and gift-giving expectations. To foster understanding, practice active listening and validate your partner’s feelings. A couple that collaborates effectively will enjoy happier, more harmonious holidays.
How to Handle Holiday Stress as a Team
Stress during the holidays can leave one partner feeling unappreciated for handling most of the shopping or cooking, while the other might feel pressured into conforming to their partner’s plans. The key to managing this stress is to work together as a team.
Here’s a simple template to balance responsibilities:
List urgent tasks – Write down all the chores and responsibilities for the holiday season.
Add columns for each partner – Create sections for you, your partner, and tasks you’ll do together.
Review the list – Reflect on how responsibilities were handled in the past and discuss a new approach for this year.
Assign tasks – Go through the list and decide who is responsible for each task. Set aside less urgent items.
Discuss unresolved items – Use open-ended questions to explore each other’s feelings about difficult tasks.
Once you’ve assigned tasks, support each other in balancing the workload. Dr. Gottman’s research highlights that an equal division of tasks isn’t as important as ensuring both partners feel the arrangement is fair.
Solve Solvable Problems and Address the Bigger Issues
Many holiday-related conflicts are situational, such as budget concerns or scheduling conflicts. For these, Dr. Gottman’s five-step model can help:
Soften your start-up
Make and receive repair attempts
Soothe yourself and each other
Compromise
Process lingering grievances
For deeper, unresolved conflicts like differing traditions or family expectations turn to open communication. By understanding each other’s dreams and values, you can move past gridlock and build shared solutions that respect both perspectives.
Stay Connected During the Holidays
Strengthening your bond amid the holiday rush requires intentional effort. Here’s how:
Daily check-ins – Take time to discuss stressors without trying to fix everything.
Express appreciation – Acknowledge small contributions, like wrapping gifts or taking out the trash.
Schedule private time – Prioritize moments to reconnect away from the holiday hustle.
A stress-reducing conversation can also help you and your partner navigate external pressures. Ask open-ended questions about their feelings without jumping into problem-solving mode. Listening with empathy strengthens emotional connection.
Build a Stronger, Stress-Proof Relationship
When couples work together to share responsibilities, validate each other’s feelings, and create time for connection, they cultivate mutual understanding and a sense of teamwork. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s balance.
By navigating challenges with care and compassion, you can spend less time stressing and more time enjoying the holidays with your loved ones. From thoughtful compromises to small gestures of gratitude, every effort helps create a season filled with joy, connection, and love.
Remember it's about presence not necessarily presents, be available to your loved ones and make memories.
I wish you a merry Christmas and a harmonious holiday season :)
Matt is an experienced counsellor, if you and your partner need support. Book in with Redlands Counselling Service. Book Counselling Session | redlandscounselling
Comments