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Is My Relationship Safe From Betrayal Or Affairs?

Updated: Jun 23, 2021

There's no way to predict with 100% certainty whether there will be betrayal in a relationship. Try this questionnaire below by responding to the statements. This can help identify attitudes and personality characteristics that increase an individual's vulnerability to opportunities for extramarital involvement.

Emotional infidelity? Emotional betrayal takes many different forms. For some, it means different things of what constitutes an emotional affair. In the Gottman Method used at Redland's Counselling Service, I believe it starts when a person gets too close to someone other than his or her relationship partner. Often these relationships begin innocently enough, but they grow into something very dangerous. The signs of emotional infidelity are: confiding in; flirting; keeping the relationship secret from the partner; and sharing details about their personal life, especially negative details about the partner and the relationship. People who get involved in emotional affairs find themselves making negative comparisons between their partner and the “friend.” They see their “friend” as being funnier, more interesting, more attractive, easier to talk to, more interested in them, and more understanding

Emotional affairs almost always involve secret keeping. Social media has opened up vulnerability in relationships, for example, pornography, online chat sights, online dating and much more.

The Importance of honesty and transparency

There has to be a total transparency given to each other here. There can be no secrets.  Social media accounts and other media – email accounts and cell phones – must be an open book. Living in a very stressful situation of mistrust is not conducive to loving relationship. Therefore, it would be helpful to learn effective stress management techniques like deep breathing, relaxation exercises, and perhaps some form of meditation. If you need help with stress management contact Matt at Redland's Counselling Service.

Quiz: Individual Vulnerability Map - by Shirley Glass

Directions: Print out this page and circle the appropriate letter to the right of each statement:

A = Yes, I agree.D = No, I disagree.NA = Not applicable

Part I. I would feel justified having an extramarital relationship for the following reasons:

1. If I fell in love with another person. ( A---D---NA)

2. For sexual excitement or sexual variety. (A---D---NA)

3. To have someone understand my problems and feelings. (A---D---NA)

Part II. I would be inhibited from having an extramarital relationship for the following reasons:

4. I would feel too guilty.(A---D---NA)

5. It's against my moral, ethical, or religious principles.(A---D---NA)

6. I wouldn't break my wedding vows or my commitment to my partner.(A---D---NA)

7. I'm devoted to my partner.

Part III. I'd probably get involved with an attractive person who is interested in me because:

8. I work hard, so I deserve to have some fun.(A---D---NA)

9. I wouldn't be hurting anybody.(A---D---NA)

10. It's okay to have sex as long as you don't get too emotionally involved.(A---D---NA)

11. It's okay to fool around as long as you don't have intercourse.(A---D---NA)

12. It's okay to be emotionally involved as long as there's no physical intimacy.(A---D---NA)

Part IV. The following statements reflect my beliefs about life:

13. I thrive on risky, new adventures.(A---D---NA)

14. Rules are made to be broken.(A---D---NA)

15. Forbidden fruit is sweeter.(A---D---NA)

16. Beginning a project is always more interesting than finishing it.(A---D---NA)

Part V. The following statements reflect how I feel about my relationship:

17. I feel uptight if my partner tries to get too close.(A---D---NA)

18. I feel anxious and rejected if my partner ignores me.(A---D---NA)

19. I'm mostly comfortable being alone. I have little need to spend time with my partner.


Scoring Key:

Add up your points to calculate your individual potential vulnerability score:

In Parts I, III, IV, and V: each Yes = 1, No = 0. In Part II: each No = 1, Yes = 0.

Your score tells how close you are to the slippery slope of infidelity.     0-4 = Safety zone     5-9 = Proceed with caution 10-14 = Slippery slope 15-19 = Danger zone

If you have any concerns in your relationship in ensuring friendships don't turn into affairs then book in for a counselling session and let's chat.

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