What Social Media Is Teaching Our Sons—and How Parents Can Push Back

Social media isn’t just shaping how boys communicate; it’s also influencing how they see themselves. From YouTube algorithms to TikTok influencers, adolescent boys absorb powerful messages about masculinity, emotion, and identity—often without realizing it. These messages can reinforce emotional suppression, body image pressure, and rigid gender roles that leave boys disconnected from themselves and others.

Recent research from Common Sense Media and the Gottman Institute reveals how digital culture influences boys’ beliefs and behaviors. It also highlights why parents play a vital role in helping their sons navigate this terrain. This blog is designed to support you in that role—not by telling you how to parent, but by helping you understand what your son is up against and how to stay connected in a world that often sidelines your influence.

A young boy is intently focused on his smartphone as he sits comfortably on a gray couch, illustrating the modern engagement with technology in a home setting.

📱 The Digital Masculinity Pipeline

Nearly all boys aged 11 to 17 are online daily. Platforms like YouTube, TikTok, and gaming environments aren’t just entertainment; they’re where boys learn what it means to be “a man.” Unfortunately, they’re not always learning from the healthiest sources.

• 73% of boys regularly see masculinity-related content online.

• 68% say this content just “shows up” in their feed—they didn’t search for it.

• Common themes include making money, building muscle, dating, dominance, and emotional toughness.

  
  

The Gottman Institute warns that these messages often reinforce a narrow, outdated “boy code.” This code equates masculinity with stoicism, status, and control, while discouraging vulnerability, empathy, or emotional expression.

🚩 What Boys Are Learning—and Why It Matters

The more boys are exposed to this content, the more likely they are to internalize harmful beliefs. Here’s what the research shows:

1. Emotions Are a Liability

• 50% of high-exposure boys feel they must hide emotions like sadness or hurt, compared to 30% of low-exposure boys.

• 40% of high-exposure boys believe that talking about their problems makes them look weak, while only 11% of low-exposure boys feel the same way.

• 67% of high-exposure boys avoid talking about their feelings, compared to 53% of low-exposure boys.

  
  

👉 Translation: The more boys see rigid masculinity online, the more they believe showing emotion is unsafe or shameful.

2. They’re Lonely—but Don’t Say So

• 1 in 4 boys report feeling lonely.

• Boys with high exposure to masculinity content are twice as likely to feel this way.

• They’re also less likely to hang out with friends or play games socially.

  
  

3. They Feel Pressure to Look a Certain Way

• 91% of boys encounter body transformation content online.

• Boys with high exposure are 4x more likely to feel pressured to change how they look.

  
  

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 What This Means for Parents

Even if your son seems distant, digital culture hasn’t replaced you. In fact, most boys still turn to parents first when they’re struggling—but only if they feel safe to do so. The Gottman Institute emphasises that boys need emotionally attuned adults who can:

• Model vulnerability and emotional literacy.

• Challenge harmful stereotypes without shaming.

• Offer connection without control.

• Create space for hard conversations without judgment.

  
  

This isn’t about “fixing” your son. It’s about staying in the room with him—curious, calm, and connected—even when the digital world is pulling him in other directions.

💬 How to Stay Connected in a Disconnected World

Here are some trauma-informed strategies to support your parenting:

• Ask, don’t assume: “What kind of stuff shows up in your feed?” is more effective than “You shouldn’t be watching that.”

• Challenge gently: “That sounds like a lot of pressure. Do you think that’s realistic?” opens more doors than “That’s toxic.”

• Model what you want to see: Share your own struggles, name your emotions, and show that vulnerability is strength.

• Affirm his worth: Let him know he’s enough—regardless of how he looks, performs, or conforms.

• Create rituals of connection: Shared meals, car rides, or even gaming together can open space for deeper conversations.

  
  

🌱 The Importance of Emotional Literacy

Emotional literacy is crucial for boys as they navigate their formative years. Teaching them to identify and express their feelings can help combat the negative effects of digital culture. Encourage your son to talk about his emotions. This can be done through casual conversations or structured activities.

Engaging in Conversations

Engaging in meaningful conversations can foster emotional growth. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. This encourages boys to articulate their feelings and thoughts, helping them to develop emotional intelligence.

Encouraging Healthy Relationships

Encourage your son to build healthy relationships with peers. Friendships can provide a safe space for boys to express themselves. Support him in finding friends who share similar values and interests, fostering a sense of belonging.

Final Thoughts

Your son is growing up in a digital wild—one that often rewards bravado over authenticity and silence over self-awareness. But he’s not lost. With your steady presence, emotional availability, and willingness to engage without judgment, you can be the anchor he needs.

At Redlands Counselling Service, we support parents navigating these complex dynamics. Whether you’re concerned about your son’s online world, struggling to connect, or simply want to parent with more clarity and confidence, we’re here to help.

Sources: Common Sense Media (2025). Boys in the Digital Wild: Online Culture, Identity, and Well-Being Gottman Institute – What Social Media Is Telling Our Boys About Masculinity